Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
