He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize