she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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