My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
