Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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