In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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