naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
