i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
