Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
