So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
