Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
