I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
