so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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