My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
