you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
