Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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