i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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