Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
