so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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