Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
