god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
