Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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