I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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