Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
