i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
well, you know. whores of a feather.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
