**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
