I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
