You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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