Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
