So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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