how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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