The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
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not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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