Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Boobs speak an international language.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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