your parents love me but you hate me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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