Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
