My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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