My friends, they love my intelligence
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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