Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
