its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
