we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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