Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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