I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
