I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
