Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
