I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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