Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am naked and annoyed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
