new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
