did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
