great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
