She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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