Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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