just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
