help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
that may or may not have been my penis.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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