I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
