I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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