I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
