She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
