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I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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