Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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