Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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