What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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