Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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