worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
