You just made me feel so damn special
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
