Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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