Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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