the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
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your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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