I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
