it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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