just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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