i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
