wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
