But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Are we in a gay sports bar?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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