I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
