Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
