Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
