you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
