Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
