really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
